this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
