after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize