i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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