You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
