somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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