we should wear snuggies to the strip club
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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