I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
please come you make the beer taste better
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
