i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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