I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
