I wannas sexs uuuuu
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
