When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
