I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
