let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
