yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
