mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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