If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
