I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
