; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
There are leaves in my underwear?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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