Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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