he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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