i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
