I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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