he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
time to smoke my breakfast
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
