I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
