Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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