So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
