There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
