Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
