when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
