I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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