Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
