He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Randomize
