I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
