i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize