Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
