Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
