i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
