so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I need water and some morals
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
