you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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