dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize