Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
