I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
