She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
