Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
