Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
