I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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