I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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