so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
