I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
