ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Randomize
