You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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