I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
