Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Four minutes until I can fart!
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
