oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I love you. Go after that dick
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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