i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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