I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
