You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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