my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
