for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
