I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
