I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My breasts were aching with rage.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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