Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
