Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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