He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
