I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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