I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
