The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
