Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
