She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
