I got her a Nickelback box set.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
His nipple licking is glorious
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