So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize